Foster Care: Facing the Reality

Let's just start with this well-known fact about me: I'm an incredibly emotional creature. My emotions cut deep into my soul. This is why when I see a lost dog it makes me want to cry, or why I make care-kits to hand out to homeless people, and it's why we are doing Foster Care. I can feel the emotions of others, and I take those on as my own.

I know how many children are suffering - hungry, cold, abused, neglected, homeless...those children just need a break. They need a break from their reality. They need a safe, soft, warm place to land with a mom and a dad (and aunts, and uncles, and cousins, and grandparents, and friends...) who will love them unconditionally. They need to know what it feels like to always wake up in the same bed, in the same house, with the same friendly and loving faces to greet them. Food on the table, warm clothes on their bodies, and consistency.

They need someone to kiss their owies and wipe away their tears. Take them to the doctor when they are sick, and give them extra snuggles. Someone to give them a bath at 2am after they throw up all over themselves. And someone to give them guidance, and help them to overcome the challenges they have faced in life.

The basic needs of every child.

So this is why I love Foster Care, because it gives me (and Mark) a chance to temporarily provide for those children. And for Mark and I, it fulfills our incredible desire to have children. It is fulfilling for us, and it is rewarding to those children that we are able to love. They will forever be in our hearts, and in our homes.

So, here we are...

We've had our little C for 6 months now. I can't remember if I've ever talked about this here, but the night we got C we were told not to accept the placement unless we were prepared to adopt him - that the situation he was coming from was such that he would not be able to return home. So when I first laid eyes on him, it was like I was looking at my son. We immediately took him on as our own, and we bonded overnight. This is of course exactly what C needed - someone to love him, but it was a bad choice for our hearts.

About two weeks later is when we found out that there would be a reunification plan with C's parents. Since then we have continued to love him just the same, because honestly, you can't really just stop loving this sweet little guy. He stole our hearts!

He's had all of his major milestones with us - his first birthday, standing, walking, talking,  feeding himself, building his first lego tower, having his first best friend, going to his first rodeo, getting his first haircut...I could go on. But I think you get the picture. We've celebrated with him, and we have soaked in every minute of it.

But today the final steps have been made to transition C to live with his dad (his mom asked us if we would adopt him, but unfortunately his dad does not feel the same way). We will have at minimum two more weeks with him, but at most a month.

I've already started grieving. I can feel the loss and it hasn't even happened yet. I know that there is nothing we can do about the situation, it is not up to us, however I can't help but feel like I've just done something horrible. C is going to wake up wondering where we are -why did we leave him. Will he think that we don't love him? Will he think that he has been abandoned again? Will they know all of the baby sign language that he uses? Will they know that he needs to have hot sauce on his scrambled eggs? That when he cries in the morning it means he wants his milk and to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse? Will they tuck him in the right way? Will they sing to him and read him his favorite story before bed? But most of all...will they love him the way that we love him? I can only pray that they will.

My heart is plagued with guilt, and I know there will be many sleepless nights to come. So as I prepare all of his tiny shirts, and tiny shoes, and his favorite toys and books to go with him - I will also be praying for a miracle.

But until then, we will be cherishing all of the sweet little moments that we have with him. Let him stay up a little later...eat a few more cookies...rock him to sleep even when I have a mountain of laundry to do...kiss his dirty little face before I wipe it clean...try to bottle up every sound, every smell, every smile, every laugh...tuck them away someplace safe...so that whenever my heart aches I can go back to that sweet little boy and feel his little arms around my neck.

And such is the life of Foster Parents. It's time to face the reality.