** Guest post! My sweet hubby decided he wanted to try his hand at blogging! Enjoy :) ***
For the first year we lived it Utah, I did not know what really brought us here. I took a huge pay cut, I hated my job, and I wished I was around my friends in AZ. It wasn't until we lived here for a year that I realized that there were people that I need to be around to learn from and serve. Gaining stronger relationships with family, building friendships that are as strong as family, and caring for chandler. If it wasn't for moving to Utah, I never would have learned how to be more Christ like from Chandler and that is a gift that is worth more than anything I could ever buy (even a new iPhone).
This last year, Brittany and I had an experience that I will never forget. In the Bible, Malachi 4:6 says, “And He shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers..." Foster care has done that and more for me. As Chandler came into our lives, my heart has turned to him to teach me how to be a better man. As I learned to love Chandler as my own child, I learned how to be more like the Savior and to love everyone, no matter what the circumstances.
On August 3, 2012, Brittany and I were at a movie with Melinda, Robbie, Meghan, and Brad. Up until that point, Brittany and I had done multiple infertility treatments that failed. We had tried adopting, which turned out to be unsuccessful so far. But through all of this, we still had faith that Heavenly Father had something special in mind for us. What we didn’t know, was where He would lead us. At this time, all we could do was practice faith because our spirits were getting discouraged, our hope was dwindling. During the movie a phone call came. As I listened to the message that a social worker with DCFS left, a burst of joy and excitement went through me. There was a little boy that was 11 months old that had been taken to Primary Children’s Hospital. He was malnourished, unbathed, and poor in spirit. We willingly said that we would take him into our home to help him. What we didn’t know, was how much he would actually be helping us.
For the first few days that we had "C", we could tell that he was down in spirit. As we worked with him, loved him, and cared for him, his spirit began to change. Here we were, with this precious child, hoping to do all that we could in order to help him learn and grow, to feel the Holy Spirit, and to feel loved. As time went on, I learned that C was in our home to teach us.
As we attended court hearings, visitations, meetings with social workers, and visits with his birth parents, I took special note that I had a lot to learn. These people were rough around the edges. They were in and out of prison for drug abuse, domestic violence, and now neglecting an innocent child. How could they do this? How could someone be so selfish to let a child - a baby - go without the basics in life? How could they let a child go without food, or be there to soothe him when crying, change his diapers, teach him the basics in life? How could they not teach him how to play peek-a-boo, climb the stairs, or laugh at all of the things that people do to get a baby to laugh?
At first, I could not believe that someone could do this to such an innocent child. My love for C was immediate and strong. I thought I had everything I needed in order to give him the things that he missed out on during the first 11 months of his life. What I didn’t know was that I was missing the pure love of Christ. I was so judgmental of others that I could not help them because of my selfishness. I saw them as being the “bad guys” in the story.
As time went on, and visits increased, I continued in my ways. I saw "M" [dad] and "T" [mom] as the bad guys. It wasn’t until 5 months after we got C that I realized that I needed to change. And C was to help me through this change so that I could be more Christ like, more willing to accept others for who they are, and less likely to judge others because I think I know the whole story. C looked at everyone he interacted with as a joy in his life. His best friend Graham taught him how to climb the stairs, how to golf with a spoon (or any device that could be used like a golf club). Graham and C are best friends and did so much together. Every member of the family that he met became someone that he immediately loved. He would give each person a snuggle, even his cousins in California and Arizona that he was only around for a few days. To him, there was no evil in someone. He would not even look at his own mother - who would come to the visits "impaired" - and not see the good in her. He loved EVERYONE.
C is just like the Savior and loves everyone that he meets. As I recognized this, I realized that this is what the pure love of Christ is. This is charity at its fullest. I was beginning to look to C to learn from his sweet spirit, his selfless actions, and his joy and love for others. My heart was turning to C so that I could be more Christ like and love others as he does.
As time went by, I began to pray with Brittany and C that we could see his birth parents differently. I wanted to see them as Christ sees them. T [mom] then asked Brittany if we would adopt C. This immediately changed how I saw her. Even though the option of adopting C was far off, I immediately looked at T as someone who needed help. She has serious struggles in her life, and knew she could not care for him. As we met with M [dad] more, I realized that instead of trying to do all that I could to keep C from him, I needed to offer words of encouragement so that he would have the confidence he needs when C was living with him again. He began to open up to us. As he did this we opened up to him. This gave me peace.
While our time C has been short, I have learned more about being a charitable person. As I have changed, I have learned to be more forgiving of others and accept them for who they are, not what they do. Because of C, I now see others the way I think that the Savior sees them, capable of so much.
I will never forget all of the fun that we had along the way. We went to the lake with the Woods and Jaidyn, 2 trips to California to see the Cathey and Altmyer grandparents, cousins and aunts and uncles. We had almost daily interactions with Melinda and Robbie so that C and Graham could play. We went sledding, saw Santa Clause, went to Discover Gateway, went to the air museum, and walked City Creek over and over again. All of this was done while hoping that we could adopt him, but realizing that Heavenly Father has a different plan for C. What was most important to us from the beginning was helping him feel the spirit so that if we could not adopt him, he would be able to recognize the feeling of the Holy Ghost later in life and find his way back to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Every night we would read a book, sing “Families Can Be Together Forever”, and pray together. C loved this routine and always slept better when we made sure that this happened. I know that he felt the Spirit and was being taught through it. I hope that he recognizes these feelings later in life.
As I have prepared for this week, I have built up anxiety. I sometimes try to numb those feelings by thinking of something else, but I know that on Saturday C will be living with his dad again. What has been most precious to me is the love that family members and friends have displayed. This week we have been able to spend a little extra time with family and friends that all care for us and C to celebrate his time with us. The spirit of love and service has been felt during this week.
C is my first son. He will never be forgotten and I look forward to what is ahead. I don’t know if C will return to our home in this life, but I do know and look forward to when I can embrace him in Heaven and thank him for teaching me so much.
Thanks for reading,
Mark
