Adoption Orientation!

Wow! Today was a very informative and exciting day for us! We had our adoption orientation, got some great info and insight, and turned in our application and home study fee! We were very anxious going into the orientation, and had a million questions....but we left feeling excited, supported, and with a whole new mindset...

When we started this process, we didn't know too much about it. We were planning on a closed adoption within the state of Arizona only. We wanted a closed adoption for two reasons- 1.) We didn't know what it meant to have an open adoption, and what would be required of us; 2.) We were scared...we didn't want to have an open adoption where we become even more vulnerable to the process. The last thing we wanted was to create a relationship with the birth mother, and our baby, just to have the mother change her mind. The entire process of trying to start our family has been stressful enough, having the rejection of the birth mother after we became attached would just be unbearable.

But that was before the orientation. After talking with the LDS Family Services social worker we have decided that an open adoption is what we would like to do. It is important for us to remember that the birth mother is making one of the most important decisions of her life...and our life. Most of the birth mothers in this agency are between the age of 18 and 25, and are almost exclusively LDS. These are our sisters, the women sitting next to us at church...they aren't just some random women who happen to be pregnant. They hold the same values and beliefs as we do.

Our birth mother is going to be scared, she is going to be unsure, she is going to be feeling guilt- the only thing that will ease her mind is to know the family where her baby is going. And for us, it will make the adoption smoother and more stable to have a positive and close relationship with the birth mother and our family. We want to know and love our birth mother, and we want her to know, love, and trust us with her child.

The amount of "open-ness" will ultimately be up to Mark and I to decide....and that is something that we will have to prayfully consider when it gets to that point. All we know is that we want our birth mother to feel a part of our family, and to know that we will love and raise her child to the best of our ability.

We have also opened our adoption to multiple states, although we haven't specifically been able to sit down and choose which states we would like. We hope to increase our chances of finding our baby by doing this.

Now, as far as what lies ahead....next week we will need to get our FBI fingerprints and clearance, and add our start creating our online profile for the mothers to look at! This will be exciting! Over the next 1-6 months we will also have our background checks, an adoption class, our home study, an extensive review of our financial situation, and 3-4 more meetings with our social worker (her name is Calli :o). Then its time to wait! They said that women usually come to them either very early on or very very late in their pregnancy. So it is not uncommon to have a woman who is 8 months pregnant come to them, and obviously the baby would be placed with the adoptive couple very quickly.

Anyhow...now that I'm done typing my heart our ;o) I will just say that Mark and I feel so blessed to even have the opportunity to do this. We know that our Heavenly Father will bless us with the special spirit that is waiting for us right now.

Oh, and on a side note- some were wondering how long after the placement of the baby does the birth mother have the right to change her mind. The answer is that there is no waiting period for the birth mother. Once she signs the relinquishment form and gives the baby to us there is no turning back (at least for the state of AZ). But for the 6 months after the baby is placed with us we will be visited by LDS Family Services to ensure we are meeting the baby's needs. After the 6th month the court orders will be finalized.