http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html
To be honest, I simply didn't have the energy to dive into my own personal feelings this week, so when I saw my dear friend post about her feelings on her own blog I decided to steal it :) Her words mirror my feelings exactly, and I know she won't mind me sharing. I'll let her remain anonymous, unless she tells me otherwise! This is what she had to say...
"...Take your pick from phrasing - I'm living with infertility, I suffer from infertility, I have infertility - however you want to say it, infertility is not something that is dealt/coped with once and is over.
Like an antibiotic resistant super bug it finds ways to attack you even when you're feeling "fine." I won't sit here and rehash with you the dramatic memories and episodes my initial bout with infertility caused me... But I did want to tell you about how infertility effects me today. I wanted to tell you that adopting a child does not cure infertility. It cures childlessness and brings a great deal of healing, but infertility is it's own separate issue that needs to be addressed accordingly and continuously.
...sometimes [you] have "flare ups" that remind you of your pain. It's not something that is easily ignored, no matter how blessed and happy you are. I can say with full honesty that I would not in a million years change a thing about our experiences. I am so grateful for my infertility... And if we can only ever build our family through adoption and foster care - hey, that's seriously fine by me! But there have been times (and will likely be more) when a woman walks by me with a swollen belly, or a friend announces her pregnancy, or I see a woman breastfeed her new baby, that my hand will dart to my barren belly and wish.... wonder..... what if? And in an instant feelings of intense maternal desire and grieving loss will rush through me for the millionth time. Again I'm back to wishing I could feel those tiny feet kick inside me. Wishing I could give my husband a son that looked like him. Wishing I could be that co-creator with God in bringing a little spirit to this earth. All the while knowing that if I were given that chance I would praise every stretch mark and every day of morning sickness for eternity.
But again.......
I am infertile.
The realization of those dreams will likely never come to pass. As I said earlier, really, in the grand scheme of things I am truly OK with that. But I have my moments of weakness. So I guess that's what I'm trying to tell you. That I love adoption and foster care with unbridled passion. That I am grateful every day that we are blessed to walk those paths. But that I still hurt because of infertility. That infertility is a wound that, even after healing, leaves you viciously scarred. Judge me for what I've said, if you'd like. But this is the reality of my situation and the situation of millions like me.
Now, I don't want your pity. This is not a "hard luck" story. It's just a story. My story. And I'm damn proud of my story."
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